Monday Morning: It had been a long time since I looked into my eyes and saw a substance induced glazed panic staring back at me from the mirror. I already knew how I would look when I had woken up and my first thought was "I can't fucking move". My head was heavy, my eyelids heavier, my arms were in a coma and my thighs were aching.I knew how I would look. Like someone who had been on a four day drinking binge, because I had. I didn't look dog rough. I looked high, wired, and most of all, as I wrote earlier, I looked glazed. My thought patterns were vague and slow and my movement even slower. And all this brought about by BOOZE, dear reader. Socially acceptable and totally taxed, BOOZE. Booze and my first shag for 6 months (mmm, perhaps it was that?). Why did I go in to work?
Because of The 8.30 Meeting.
I've been attending The 8.30 Meeting, our weekly team meeting, every Monday for 5 years. There are others who have been there as long, a few even longer - real veterans. The 8.30 Meeting is exactly that, turn up at 8.35 and get glared at, turn up at 8.40 and get sent out of the room and treated like a cunt all day. The meeting is only 30 minutes long and there's no time to fuck around. It instills discipline - and means I can't make that phone call: "I'll be late" "Why?" "I'm in an alcohol induced palsy and can't get out of bed". So, I made it in, albeit badly dressed and, as Estuary Boy later told me, smelling of garlic (that would be the kebabs then).
Well,bless them, no-one tried to make me do too much. One of the younger guys in the team had set up the screen in time for when I got there at 8.28! I thanked him and thought this is fantastic! The Fear (of the boot) is making people a lot more co-operative. The potential of The Fear really should be harnessed more by The Board here. But no, they are trying to harness positive energy, they are trying GENERATE positive energy! In a fucking recession! A Nuremburg Rally took place yesterday. A whole layer of Management went out for 4 hours of spin and sparkle - with a bit of lovely life-coaching, management-consultancy, be the change (bollox) you want see (suck). Nonsense. Divide and rule and encourage The Fear. That's the real way through this.
Anyway, my Managers have reacted strangely. They are declaring things "Brilliant" when they are merely commonplace and they are affecting strange little pouty smiles whenver they make eye contact. I suspect they may have group hugged yesterday. Obviously I took it upon myself to remind them of their quite obvious lack of brilliance - a dullness even - as evidenced by the lack of deals on the table.
Not all of them can make the leap of faith to the religious fervour and I'm enjoying that too. I heard one Director deliver a doom laden and vaguley threatening speech to a client which was worthy of Sir Ben Kingsly himself. It was an at first softly spoken, conversational history lesson reflecting on the 1929 stock market crash and people's reactions before he worked up to a shouty insistent crescendo linking deals not done in the crash and the start of the second world war. He was virtually accusing the client of starting another second world war. I didn't want to tell him it would technically be a third world war. And it's worrying if he can't count.
There's not much more to report. The air con is fucked again. It's too hot now. We've had some religious grafitti on the kitchen white board. Someone's pregnant. I didn't get a pay rise at salary review. Need to get on that. Benchmark and get them in trouble like Primark? Charm them? Blackmail? Fuck someone? Would ANY of that work? I Fear not.
Right then enough. I'm frightened.
SpieledOut x
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