Oh dear. Late again. A resounding one hour thirty minutes late to work today. An almost excusable 45 minutes yesterday and on Monday I didn't make it in til Tuesday. I was ill on Monday, but that never looks good does it?
Cue a quiet chat in a small room. Yes, I know that sounds vaguely Guantanamo. Luckily water boarding did not come into but it was still a pretty undignified experience.
To the extent it's rocked me a little, and I'm hearing echoes of an already lived through era of "you're lucky to have a job". This is the driver for The Fear, as I've already mentioned. I now have The Fear. In spades. And so I'm getting my head down and closing this blog down.
I'll still be blogging, but elsewhere and on things other in the world than the eight+ hours I exchange everyday for a little money. I hope you find me out there, and I hope it will be a lot easier for you to find me than for my employers to find this blog.
Seccy x
Friday, 15 May 2009
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Trying not to throw up
Monday Morning: It had been a long time since I looked into my eyes and saw a substance induced glazed panic staring back at me from the mirror. I already knew how I would look when I had woken up and my first thought was "I can't fucking move". My head was heavy, my eyelids heavier, my arms were in a coma and my thighs were aching.I knew how I would look. Like someone who had been on a four day drinking binge, because I had. I didn't look dog rough. I looked high, wired, and most of all, as I wrote earlier, I looked glazed. My thought patterns were vague and slow and my movement even slower. And all this brought about by BOOZE, dear reader. Socially acceptable and totally taxed, BOOZE. Booze and my first shag for 6 months (mmm, perhaps it was that?). Why did I go in to work?
Because of The 8.30 Meeting.
I've been attending The 8.30 Meeting, our weekly team meeting, every Monday for 5 years. There are others who have been there as long, a few even longer - real veterans. The 8.30 Meeting is exactly that, turn up at 8.35 and get glared at, turn up at 8.40 and get sent out of the room and treated like a cunt all day. The meeting is only 30 minutes long and there's no time to fuck around. It instills discipline - and means I can't make that phone call: "I'll be late" "Why?" "I'm in an alcohol induced palsy and can't get out of bed". So, I made it in, albeit badly dressed and, as Estuary Boy later told me, smelling of garlic (that would be the kebabs then).
Well,bless them, no-one tried to make me do too much. One of the younger guys in the team had set up the screen in time for when I got there at 8.28! I thanked him and thought this is fantastic! The Fear (of the boot) is making people a lot more co-operative. The potential of The Fear really should be harnessed more by The Board here. But no, they are trying to harness positive energy, they are trying GENERATE positive energy! In a fucking recession! A Nuremburg Rally took place yesterday. A whole layer of Management went out for 4 hours of spin and sparkle - with a bit of lovely life-coaching, management-consultancy, be the change (bollox) you want see (suck). Nonsense. Divide and rule and encourage The Fear. That's the real way through this.
Anyway, my Managers have reacted strangely. They are declaring things "Brilliant" when they are merely commonplace and they are affecting strange little pouty smiles whenver they make eye contact. I suspect they may have group hugged yesterday. Obviously I took it upon myself to remind them of their quite obvious lack of brilliance - a dullness even - as evidenced by the lack of deals on the table.
Not all of them can make the leap of faith to the religious fervour and I'm enjoying that too. I heard one Director deliver a doom laden and vaguley threatening speech to a client which was worthy of Sir Ben Kingsly himself. It was an at first softly spoken, conversational history lesson reflecting on the 1929 stock market crash and people's reactions before he worked up to a shouty insistent crescendo linking deals not done in the crash and the start of the second world war. He was virtually accusing the client of starting another second world war. I didn't want to tell him it would technically be a third world war. And it's worrying if he can't count.
There's not much more to report. The air con is fucked again. It's too hot now. We've had some religious grafitti on the kitchen white board. Someone's pregnant. I didn't get a pay rise at salary review. Need to get on that. Benchmark and get them in trouble like Primark? Charm them? Blackmail? Fuck someone? Would ANY of that work? I Fear not.
Right then enough. I'm frightened.
SpieledOut x
Because of The 8.30 Meeting.
I've been attending The 8.30 Meeting, our weekly team meeting, every Monday for 5 years. There are others who have been there as long, a few even longer - real veterans. The 8.30 Meeting is exactly that, turn up at 8.35 and get glared at, turn up at 8.40 and get sent out of the room and treated like a cunt all day. The meeting is only 30 minutes long and there's no time to fuck around. It instills discipline - and means I can't make that phone call: "I'll be late" "Why?" "I'm in an alcohol induced palsy and can't get out of bed". So, I made it in, albeit badly dressed and, as Estuary Boy later told me, smelling of garlic (that would be the kebabs then).
Well,bless them, no-one tried to make me do too much. One of the younger guys in the team had set up the screen in time for when I got there at 8.28! I thanked him and thought this is fantastic! The Fear (of the boot) is making people a lot more co-operative. The potential of The Fear really should be harnessed more by The Board here. But no, they are trying to harness positive energy, they are trying GENERATE positive energy! In a fucking recession! A Nuremburg Rally took place yesterday. A whole layer of Management went out for 4 hours of spin and sparkle - with a bit of lovely life-coaching, management-consultancy, be the change (bollox) you want see (suck). Nonsense. Divide and rule and encourage The Fear. That's the real way through this.
Anyway, my Managers have reacted strangely. They are declaring things "Brilliant" when they are merely commonplace and they are affecting strange little pouty smiles whenver they make eye contact. I suspect they may have group hugged yesterday. Obviously I took it upon myself to remind them of their quite obvious lack of brilliance - a dullness even - as evidenced by the lack of deals on the table.
Not all of them can make the leap of faith to the religious fervour and I'm enjoying that too. I heard one Director deliver a doom laden and vaguley threatening speech to a client which was worthy of Sir Ben Kingsly himself. It was an at first softly spoken, conversational history lesson reflecting on the 1929 stock market crash and people's reactions before he worked up to a shouty insistent crescendo linking deals not done in the crash and the start of the second world war. He was virtually accusing the client of starting another second world war. I didn't want to tell him it would technically be a third world war. And it's worrying if he can't count.
There's not much more to report. The air con is fucked again. It's too hot now. We've had some religious grafitti on the kitchen white board. Someone's pregnant. I didn't get a pay rise at salary review. Need to get on that. Benchmark and get them in trouble like Primark? Charm them? Blackmail? Fuck someone? Would ANY of that work? I Fear not.
Right then enough. I'm frightened.
SpieledOut x
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Argentina
I'm writing this late at night as it's simply too risky to attempt during the day at my desk. Yes, it's like that. The "market" is indeed fucked .So it's every man for himself and bollocks to the women. There is a chill in the air and I don't like it. OK, it's the same air con problems we've had for 3 years, but now no-one comments or calls it in. No-one wants to be seen as a trouble maker with too much time on their (rapidly turning blue) hands. No-one wants to become one of The Disappeared.
Because people have disappeared! One day there is a person there, messing up their desk, drinking endless cups of tea and coffee and talking talking talking and the next day there is nothing. Silence and a few shifty looks between colleagues. Often whole suits and a selection of personal effects will be left behind as some of The Disappeared take to the road. They rarely return to collect them - not in the daylight anyway.
As yet I remain in place. But my head is down. I'm preparing to suck. Sigh.
Ever yours,
Please don't sack me,
Secretia x
Because people have disappeared! One day there is a person there, messing up their desk, drinking endless cups of tea and coffee and talking talking talking and the next day there is nothing. Silence and a few shifty looks between colleagues. Often whole suits and a selection of personal effects will be left behind as some of The Disappeared take to the road. They rarely return to collect them - not in the daylight anyway.
As yet I remain in place. But my head is down. I'm preparing to suck. Sigh.
Ever yours,
Please don't sack me,
Secretia x
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